I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
