I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
