I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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