I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
