I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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