i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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