my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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