apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
