I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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