Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
