Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its about making memories worth repressing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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