it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have post one night stand depression
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
