Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
