The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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