Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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