This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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