He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
