D3 body, D1 cock
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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