Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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