Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
