I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Less talking, more tequila
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
