Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
