Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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