would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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