I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
