It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if only i could text you this smell
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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