Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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