I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
