Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize