When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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