I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
