My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
