We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
