TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
