Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
