dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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