you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
