Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
