I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Damn victory sex feels great
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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