I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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