I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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