im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
