You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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