remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
