glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
