I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize