awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
