My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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