I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
