You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
