Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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