White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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