my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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