I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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