if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
