Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
