Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dicks are not precious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
