operation have a gay friend backfired
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
