My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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