he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
