I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
