I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize