Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize