omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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