We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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