I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His nipple licking is glorious
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