ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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